we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
