I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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