I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
