you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
