i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
