drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize