well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
