Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
