Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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