He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize