y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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