he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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