DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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