ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
