$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
