Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
