You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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