Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
