Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
