I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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