But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize