She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
