are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
