I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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