I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
