All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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