my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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