You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
