mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
