Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
