you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
