dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
