Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
