I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
