you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
