Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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