my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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