i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
