"it" just moved
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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