dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize