Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
