i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
