She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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