why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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