She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
