he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
