Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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