I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
