haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
