U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
