Just cropdusted the office
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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