how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
