So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
