New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
