TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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