I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
