My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
