No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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