I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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