If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
