She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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