Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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