Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
