omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
