I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
