The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
