So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
