theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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