DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
