I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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