my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
