You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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