ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize