We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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