So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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