I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
