Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
