apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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